Navigating the highs and lows
of an office romance

How you can preserve both your business reputation and your relationship

By Angela Civitella

Do you work with the man or woman of your dreams? Or have the same employer as your spouse?

If you do – great! It can be comforting to have a loved one around for moral support when you’re feeling stressed, or to help you to celebrate when you’re on top of the world.

But how do you avoid co-workers gossiping about your relationship, or accusing you of favouritism? And, if you are attracted to someone, should you make your feelings known?

The workplace is a professional environment so, no matter whom you work with, you’ll want to maintain that professionalism during working hours. In this article, we look at how you can preserve both your business reputation and your relationship.

How common are workplace relationships?

A study found that the workplace was one of the most common places for people to meet their partners. But the proportion of relationships that begin at work has fallen sharply since 1990, as a result of the explosion of social media and dating apps.

The workplace is a professional environment so, no matter whom you work with, you’ll want to maintain that professionalism during working hours.

However, we still spend a great deal of time with our colleagues, and sharing the highs and lows of working life means that we often form strong bonds with them. So, relationships are bound to develop, be they fleeting fancies, long-term dating, illicit affairs, or something that leads to wedding bells.

What are the common pitfalls of workplace relationships?

Millions of people suffer encounters every day that amount to sexual harassment rather than mutual romance. For example, in a 2017 poll, 30 percent of women said they had experienced unwanted advances from male co-workers, and 23 percent from men who had influence over their work situation.

And the issues don’t end when a relationship between a manager and one of their team members is consensual.

A survey found that almost a quarter of people who had an office romance dated someone senior to them. Yet gossip and envy can lead co-workers to believe that such connections may influence promotions and pay raises unfairly.

They might also doubt that the parties will maintain confidentiality. For example, one partner may alert the other to a department reshuffle, or the couple might discuss other team members’ problems when they’re at home.

‘… in a 2017 poll, 30 percent of women said they had experienced unwanted advances from male co-workers, and 23 percent from men who had influence over their work situation.’

There is also a risk of collusion in roles that follow the “four-eyes principle.” This is where two people are required to sign off or approve an action, and it is common for instance in some legal or financial roles. If those two people are in a relationship, it might impact their independence and integrity.

More issues arise when a workplace relationship comes to an end. The fallout could affect the mood and productivity of a whole team. Things can get ugly, with accusations of harassment or bullying.

Avoiding workplace problems caused by relationships

If you are in a relationship with a co-worker or thinking about starting one, there’s plenty that you can do to avoid embarrassment, hurt or disruption for yourself and your colleagues. Here are six things to consider. (To keep things simple, we refer to your “significant other” as your “partner.”)

1. Be aware of legal penalties
Workplace relationships can be subject to some draconian regulations, despite being “personal.” These can be national or state laws, or religious rules. Make sure that you research how these apply to your situation.
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2. Check your organization’s HR policy
Even if the law doesn’t forbid your relationship, or dictate how you conduct it, some organizations have their own policies on workplace relationships. For example, some companies frown upon one partner managing the other.

‘Even if the law doesn’t forbid your relationship, or dictate how you conduct it, some organizations have their own policies on workplace relationships.’

As we mentioned above, legal and financial institutions and other highly regulated environments may have rules about workplace relationships, to ensure that they don’t expose the organization to breaches of compliance, conflicts of interest, or inappropriate collusion.

The safest option is to ask your HR department if it has a policy in place, and to let your HR advisor know if you are in a workplace relationship.
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3. Consider your company’s culture
Even if it’s not written into HR policy, you need to get a feel for your organization’s cultural view on workplace relationships. This is especially important if you are working abroad, or in an organization with a different culture from your own.
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4. Agree an approach with your partner
Chances are, your colleagues and co-workers already know that you “have a crush” on the redhead in the sales team or the “hunk” in communications, and they may already suspect that it has blossomed into a relationship!

So, you have to decide with your partner how you’ll behave at work. Do you “come clean” and let your colleagues know what’s going on? Or, as the CareerBuilder survey mentioned above reveals, do you join the third of workplace couples who decide to keep their relationship a secret?

‘Agree with your partner how to handle your relationship in the workplace, and make sure that you’re aware of any business-specific issues that arise from it.’

Discuss whether to set some boundaries at work, such as not spending too much time alone together, or agreeing not to use your “pet names” for one another.

5. Stay professional at work
Your colleagues might approve of your office romance, and think you’re the best-matched couple since Romeo and Juliet, but you still need to tread carefully.

Indulging in in-jokes, private conversations, and public displays of affection can make your co-workers feel awkward. And if you and your partner are eating lunch together in the staff restaurant, other colleagues may not know whether you want privacy or would welcome the extra company. Why not invite a few more people along? Even if they decline your invitation, you have made the offer.

If you discuss business matters together – or, worse still, make business decisions – while your co-workers are absent, it will likely cause resentment. If you’re managing your partner, you need to be especially mindful of your professional interactions, and be seen to be extra careful to treat your other team members equally and fairly.
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6. Be prepared for gossip!
Human beings are social animals, and we connect with one another by sharing stories and experiences. And the more exciting or shocking those stories, the more engaging they become. So, even if you rigorously follow the suggestions above, some people may be quick to make assumptions and to see favouritism or nepotism that’s just not there. It’s a kind of fake news.

‘You have to remain professional if your workplace relationship comes to an end, no matter what the reason.’

What if the relationship ends?

You have to remain professional if your workplace relationship comes to an end, no matter what the reason.

This can be a difficult time for you, your ex-partner, and your colleagues, especially if you still have to work closely together. An acrimonious split can poison the atmosphere in the workplace, and impact productivity and morale.

If you manage your ex-partner, make sure that you don’t discriminate against them, or you and your organization risk being the subject of a grievance procedure. Don’t get involved in “muck-raking” or “washing your dirty linen in public,” even if your former partner does.

Key Points

Before you make any move toward a personal relationship, check for consent and only continue if it’s given.

Then, if the law, your contract, and your employer’s policies allow your relationship, you can minimize any resentment or unfair accusations of harassment, bias or preferential treatment by acting ethically, professionally and with cultural sensitivity.

Agree with your partner how to handle your relationship in the workplace, and make sure that you’re aware of any business-specific issues that arise from it.

Use sensible measures to avoid any workplace friction that could be caused by the way that you behave with your partner. It’s vital that you both act with the utmost integrity and speak up about any possible conflicts of interest, particularly if your work could expose you to any risk of inappropriate collusion.

If you can balance your legal, professional and personal responsibilities appropriately, having a trusted partner close at hand can make your day at work a whole lot more pleasant and productive!

Image: Lucas Souza from Pexels

Read other articles by Angela Civitella